In a mind of a big girl...

Big girl, yea thats what they call me..How does it feel being big all your life, well i know for sure...I cant even tell when I ever wore a size 4, 7, or even a 10 lol...seems like I skipped those sizes in an instant. Now when I was a baby prob up until the age of 6 or 7 I was actually an average sized child then once I turned 8 that is when it went down hill...I tried to figure out the reason I gained so much weight over the years, and I took it as a rough childhood. See I wasnt the most popular, or the most liked..i like to call it I was an"outsider". And by being that label, I had to go all out, I wasnt your quiet shy outsider I was one of the most I will go off on you, and fight you if I have to type of person because I felt I had to take up for myself..My mother or my father was not in the picture..My 2 sisters was with a woman that was raising them, and I was with my grandma, brother and uncle..So i didnt neccesarily had an ideal childhood..I mean i look back and seen how I was picked on and called out my name, shunned, and everything you named it, and the only thing that kept me sane was the church and God...honestly, that was my only escape out of realithy and a place I know that there is hope..As I grew older into the woman I am now...I had to find my self worth, and know how precious I am to God...cause He is the only that matters..I think my hurt of me growing up and being rejected even once I became an adult, had an effect on my eating habits. I had to realize that the enemy is trying to keep me down with my weight concluding with my past. But I have to stand up and get my life back with the Help of God..now I have been working out faithfully without missing a beat, lost 20 pounds in a 6 weeks and still counting, and all i can do is keep God first and ask for grace with my weightloss journey and spiritual journey..neither is easy, but i know all things is possible with Christ..so i keep pressing towards the mark and high calling which is in Christ Jesus..and do my best to be what God has called me to be, which is a conqueror...Its so much more to speak of in my life but imma have to do it in segments of my testimony...but what i am saying is, everyonbe has some type of obsession or addiction whether its sex, weed, drinks, materal, ect whatever, get down to the root of why your addicted to such a thing and ask God to help you with that deep seated issue, because the thing that we turn to may be the thing that will kill us...